Hallelujah, My World Is Caving In

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“Hallelujah my world is caving in”1

I sit in classrooms waiting for my soul to be affirmed

To finally feel like I belong within these walls

But instead I feel dejected

Cast out, set aside, and pushed away

with the warm welcome and kindness of professors

with the avoidance of topics that would be “too controversial” to talk about

But if merely speaking these things would cause too much of a stir

How am I supposed to feel like my existence

My words

My body

My call

My faith

My love

Are any more invited into the holiness

“Hallelujah my world is caving in”1

Constant unrecognition of me

Of my community

Of my friends

Slowly and silently presses me down

Belittling my pain

My suffering

My trauma

The same trauma that brought me to this place

The same trauma that I wish to ameliorate

A song last week struck me with the words

“The trees withstand the storms but don’t assume they wouldn’t like to fall”2

It plunged deep into my soul because I realized I am this tree

I am this tree and I want to fall

But if I do fall

I fear that nobody would understand

Because as the old adage say

If a tree falls within the woods

And no one is there to hear it

Did it really even fall?

Will anyone be there to hear me fall?

Will anyone be around to help?

Will I be able to stand upright ever again?

Will I ever truly heal from the injury of my toppling over?

Justis Mitchell

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